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It Feels Great to Suck at Something!

From the Show: HER
Summary: You can find joy in being the worst.
Air Date: 6/15/17
Duration: 30:03
Host: Michelle King Robson and Pam Peeke, MD
Guest Bio: Holly Parker, PhD
Dr. Holly ParkerDr. Holly Parker, or simply Dr. Holly as she’s more playfully known, is a psychologist with a passion for walking alongside people as they invest in their future selves by cultivating a more enriching and vibrant life in the here and now. 

She obtained her Ph.D. in Experimental Psychopathology from Harvard University, where she conducted research and was a Karen Stone Fellow and Sackler Scholar. Filled with a fire in her belly to uplift people through human connection too, Dr. Parker re-specialized in Clinical Psychology at the University of Massachusetts, Amherst.

Presently, she zestfully engages in clinical work, teaching, public education, and writing. She’s a lecturer at Harvard University, where she teaches the popular course, "The Psychology of Close Relationships." She’s also a practicing psychologist and an associate director of training at the Edith Nourse Rogers Memorial Veterans Hospital. In her clinical practice, Dr. Parker has worked with people across an array of issues, including thriving relationships, self-esteem, trauma, mood, anxiety, emotion regulation, health and lifestyle, addiction, grief and loss, and those varied spaces in life that are formidable yet ultimately freeing to face.        

She is the author of two books. When Reality Bites: How Denial Helps and What to Do When It Hurts (Hazelden Press; August 30, 2016) is a guided tour through the benefits and the pitfalls of denial. If We’re Together, Why Do I Feel So Alone?: How to Build Intimacy with an Emotionally Unavailable Partner (Berkley/NAL; January 3, 2017) accompanies readers hoping to mend emotional unavailability in their romantic relationship. 

She also delves into an assortment of topics on the dappled road of life in her blog and in media interviews through outlets such as SELF Magazine, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Prevention, Chicago Tribune, ABC News, Saturday Evening Post, and Medical Daily.

She lives in Boston with Guille, her extremely cool husband and kindred spirit, relishes running, studying Spanish, time travel stories, and The Walking Dead, and has no skill whatsoever in pet training.

  • Book Title: IF WE'RE TOGETHER, WHY DO I FEEL SO ALONE?: How to Build Intimacy with an Emotionally Unavailable Partner 
  • Guest Twitter Account: @DrHollyParker
It Feels Great to Suck at Something!
Women are perfectionists. That makes it tough to fail at a project or activity.

Maybe you constantly compare how well you do to someone else’s accomplishments. Sometimes you feel like you suck because you’re learning. You can’t expect to master something new instantly.

Giving yourself the freedom to not be perfect will bring you joy. You can enjoy the learning process. There’s no need to be shackled by perfectionism. Your quality of life suffers when you try to get it right with no learning curve.

There’s nothing wrong with striving for excellence. Stop demanding perfection in everything you do.

You need to learn to play. Let your hair down and live in the moment. Be willing to make mistakes. Consider what kind of experience you want to have, and immerse yourself in the process. It can be liberating.

You can laugh at how terrible you are at certain activities. Try something you’ve always wanted to do without any expectations. Do it for you and not to impress other people.

Think about the kind of life you want. How much joy, humor and playfulness do you want? How can you reach that? It’s okay to be imperfect.

Listen as Dr. Holly Parker joins Dr. Pamela Peeke to share how having fun can be more rewarding than perfectionism.

Sponsor:

Smarty Pants Vitamins

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