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Do You Feel Unworthy? Get Back Your Self-Esteem

From the Show: Naturally Savvy
Summary: Have you ever had a friend go MIA, and you immediately thought it was because of something YOU did wrong?
Air Date: 7/29/15
Duration: 10
Host: Andrea Donsky, RHN and Lisa Davis, MPH
Guest Bio: Anneli Rufus, Author
Anneli Rufus is also the author of Table for One: A Loner’s Manifesto and Stuck: Why We Can’t (or Won’t) Move, has been a contributor to sites such as Salon.com, Daily Beast, and Alternet, and she is currently the literary editor of the East Bay Express. She blogs about low self-esteem for Spirituality & Health, Huffington Post, and Psychology Today.
  • Book Title: Unworthy: How to Stop Hating Yourself
  • Guest Twitter Account: @anneliRufus
Do You Feel Unworthy? Get Back Your Self-Esteem
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STAFF WRITER
Many individuals grow up feeling "not good enough" or unworthy in some way, and they end up carrying that attitude into adulthood.

For instance, have you ever had a friend go MIA, and you immediately thought it was because of something YOU did wrong?

Or, do you bristle at another's compliment on your outfit, the great job you did at work, or some other accomplishment?

In the case of guest and author, Anneli Rufus, her low self-esteem was bred from watching her mother constantly berate herself and repeat horribly negative things about herself in the mirror. Anneli grew up thinking that was completely normal; it was just something women did.

Imagine how many others grew up thinking the exact same thing.

The phenomenon seems to be more common in women than men, although men are also affected. Women are typically the ones who apologize. Compulsively apologizing is a dead giveaway for low self-esteem, especially if you were raised to "fix" things and always make others feel better.

Another marker of low self-esteem is an inability to make choices. People with low-self esteem are terrified of making a decision.

Fortunately, you can break the cycle; you just need the right tools.

Self-esteem runs on a spectrum. On one end, you have the people who have a deep hatred for themselves and essentially want to jump off a cliff. On the other end, you have super-narcissistic individuals who love themselves more than life itself and think they rule the world.

The goal is to aim for the middle and be true to yourself with pure self-acceptance.

So, what are some of those tools for getting to that point?

Just as you would with any other bad habits, take them one by one, and quit.

Every time you feel the urge to apologize, take at least five seconds and ask yourself these questions: Why am I apologizing? What am I apologizing for? Do I really need to do this? Is there something else I can say?

Learn to accept compliments without qualifying them or rejecting them. The next time you receive a compliment, take those five seconds and take it in. You're actually insulting the other person by not accepting.

What about that person that hasn't contacted you? Well, maybe she's just busy. Or, maybe she's breaking up with you as a friend. In the end, it's about her, not about you.

The important thing to remember is that you have a place in this world at the adult table, and that you DO have something to offer.

In the accompanying audio segment, author Anneli Rufus joins Naturally Savvy hosts Andrea Donsky and Lisa Davis to share tips and tools for boosting your self esteem.
Sylvia Anderson

Originally from Minnesota, Sylvia moved to California for the sun, sand and warm temperatures. She graduated from the University of Minnesota with a degree in English and Communications, both of which she has put to good use in her work with RadioMD as Senior Editor.

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