Parents and children learning about tragedies that are all over the media may find it difficult to discuss and process. Many young people likely hear about these attacks through social media and have formed opinions, impressions and questions. This can leave parents and other adults struggling with what to say and share amid the frightening news.
Here to speak with us about coping with tragedies and how to speak with your children about them is Dr. Ethan McCallum, he is a licensed psychologist at Allina Health Hopkins Clinic.
Selected Podcast
Coping with Tragedies in The Media
Featured Speaker:
Learn more about Ethan McCallum, PhD
Ethan McCallum, PhD
Ethan McCallum, PhD is a psychologist with professional interests in borderline personality disorder, PTSD, trauma, Prolonged Exposure therapy, Dialectical Behavior Therapy and serious mental illnesses.Learn more about Ethan McCallum, PhD
Transcription:
Melanie Cole (Host): Parents and children learning about tragedies that are all over the media may find it difficult to process and to discuss. Many young likely hear about these attacks through social media and have formed opinions, impressions and questions. This can leave parents and other adults struggling with what to say and share amid the frightening news. Here to speak with us about coping with those tragedies is Dr. Ethan McCallum. He’s a licensed psychologist at Allina Health Hopkins Clinic. Welcome to the show. How can tragedies in the world in the media affect individuals mentally and psychologically?
Dr. Ethan McCallum (Guest): Thanks for having me on. Over the last decade or so, there's been quite a lot of research on how these strategies affect us after 9/11 and started paying a whole lot more attention to this. Surprisingly, these types of high profile situations can be really impactful, even for people who aren’t directly involved. Part of that may have to do with the level of media exposure that we get now. We absolutely can be affected by hearing about things on the news or through social media and many people do have a reaction to those types of high profile events.
Melanie: Have we become numb, do you think, and can these tragedies be more sensitive or alarming for individuals with existing mental health conditions?
Dr. McCallum: There is maybe some truth to people getting numb to it, or at least habituating to these types of events. I think that something like the Vegas shooting would have been a whole lot more shocking to the nation 10 or 15 years ago than it is today, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not affecting people. In terms of people with preexisting issues, that’s absolutely the case that they are more vulnerable to reactions. It’s particularly true of individuals who experience trauma, so if somebody’s been exposed to combat or has been exposed to a mass shooting event or some other type of interpersonal trauma, they may be more vulnerable to experiences like that. Even going beyond trauma-related reactions, people who have a history of depression or anxiety issues may find themselves to have stronger reactions to these types of events.
Melanie: Let’s really get into some techniques to practice for coping with these. Along with that, I would like to discuss how you will discuss this with your children. First, self-coping. When we hear these stories in the news, what do you want us to do?
Dr. McCallum: I think taking care of yourself is really important and probably one of the best ways to cope with these types of events is to really make sure that you're still living your life. One of the things that can have a cumulative negative effect is when people start to withdraw, whether they withdraw from the world or from their social connections, so make sure you're getting out of the house, make sure that you're reaching out to friends and family, particularly for people who feel unsafe in the wake of an incident like this – somebody who feels like they don’t want to be in a crowded area or don’t want to be going out to a concert or something like that. Now is the time to try to get back up on the house with that kind of thing. Beyond that, focus on the things that you can control, get good sleep, make sure you're exercising and eating well – all those things will help to get people through the immediate discomfort that comes with this type of event.
Melanie: That’s really good advice, to really get back out there and make sure that even if you are afraid that you involve yourself and get involved. How do we discuss these things with our children, especially kids under 10, and then even with our teenagers? I’ll tell you when we heard about the Las Vegas shooting and then there was a possibility that he was in Chicago and had gotten some rooms by Lollapalooza, which my son was at for all four days, it’s a tough discussion to have. Speak about having that discussion for under 10 and then over 10.
Dr. McCallum: It is a really tough discussion to have. Age does really matter so the way we talk about this is going to vary depending on how old your kids are. I will say talking about it with your kids regardless is pretty important. We like to think that our kids are pretty sheltered from this sort of thing, but with social media, it’s becoming less and less true. Maybe when we were kids, there were discussions that happened in the back of the bus, but these days with Twitter and Facebook and everything, kids often times know as much, if not, more than we do. Trying to keep them sheltered actually can backfire in the sense that it communicates a message to kids that they can't talk to you about these things, and the best way to combat that is to be open. That being said, you want to pay attention to where they're at in development.
A child under 10 is really not ready to talk about the types of details that maybe a teenager would be aware of. I think in terms of working with the younger kids, you want to stick to just really basic facts – who, what, where, when – in terms of what happened, and really emphasize with the younger kids that you're going to be there to keep them safe and that this type of thing, even when it gets talked about a lot, even when we can look back in the past couple of years and see examples of this, it’s a very uncommon experience. With the teenagers, they're going to know the details anyway, so pretending like they won't is just probably counterproductive, and the older kids may want to talk about more details and being okay and opened to that makes sense.
Melanie: People often want to do something to feel better about tragedies and even to help our children cope if this kind of thing upsets them, whether they're young kids or teenagers or even other family members and friends. Some people take these things to heart more than others. What can we do to feel better about these tragedies and can we do something to give back? There's the “text $10 to the Red Cross” and all those things, but they have a bit of a disconnected feel. Are there some other things that we can do to help our children, our loved ones, ourselves copes that makes us feel like we are making a difference?
Dr. McCallum: That is a really good way to combat or counteract some of the negative effects of these high profile tragedies. Obviously, when we’re dealing with something straightforward like a hurricane, there's a lot of different ways we can directly provide relief, and there are some charities and donation lines set up for the Las Vegas victims. That is one way to give back. Honestly, giving back at all to a community or to a group in need is helpful, even if it’s not directly related to the tragedy. Doing things like volunteering at a food shelter or a meal preparation place like Feed My Starving Children or something like that is going to help people to feel connected. It’s going to help them feel more hopeful and like they can make a positive difference in the world.
Melanie: Wrap it up for us with your best advice on reminding kids, ourselves, our loved ones, that there is more joy in life than sorrow, how we can focus on the positive and really what you want them to know about tragedies like this and seeing it all over the media and all the upsetting news and what we can do to turn it around for ourselves so that it doesn’t become all-encompassing and really put a drain on the rest of our lives.
Dr. McCallum: This is definitely relevant when we’re talking about the media because the media tends to focus on the negative and we can get to a place where it feels like tragedies like this are all around us all the time. With our kids, it’s really important that we supplement and go out of our way to identify positive experiences, joyful experiences, share those experiences together. For ourselves, I think it’s important to remember that even though with these 24/7 news cycles, something like Las Vegas can seem like it’s all around us all the time, that the reality is most places are safe. Most concerts are safe, most malls are safe and we need to go out and live our lives.
Melanie: We absolutely have to and it’s great advice for listeners to hear. Thank you so much for being with us today. This is the Well Cast with Allina Health. For more information, please visit allinahealth.org. That’s allinahealth.org. This is Melanie Cole. Thanks so much for listening.
Melanie Cole (Host): Parents and children learning about tragedies that are all over the media may find it difficult to process and to discuss. Many young likely hear about these attacks through social media and have formed opinions, impressions and questions. This can leave parents and other adults struggling with what to say and share amid the frightening news. Here to speak with us about coping with those tragedies is Dr. Ethan McCallum. He’s a licensed psychologist at Allina Health Hopkins Clinic. Welcome to the show. How can tragedies in the world in the media affect individuals mentally and psychologically?
Dr. Ethan McCallum (Guest): Thanks for having me on. Over the last decade or so, there's been quite a lot of research on how these strategies affect us after 9/11 and started paying a whole lot more attention to this. Surprisingly, these types of high profile situations can be really impactful, even for people who aren’t directly involved. Part of that may have to do with the level of media exposure that we get now. We absolutely can be affected by hearing about things on the news or through social media and many people do have a reaction to those types of high profile events.
Melanie: Have we become numb, do you think, and can these tragedies be more sensitive or alarming for individuals with existing mental health conditions?
Dr. McCallum: There is maybe some truth to people getting numb to it, or at least habituating to these types of events. I think that something like the Vegas shooting would have been a whole lot more shocking to the nation 10 or 15 years ago than it is today, but that doesn’t mean that it’s not affecting people. In terms of people with preexisting issues, that’s absolutely the case that they are more vulnerable to reactions. It’s particularly true of individuals who experience trauma, so if somebody’s been exposed to combat or has been exposed to a mass shooting event or some other type of interpersonal trauma, they may be more vulnerable to experiences like that. Even going beyond trauma-related reactions, people who have a history of depression or anxiety issues may find themselves to have stronger reactions to these types of events.
Melanie: Let’s really get into some techniques to practice for coping with these. Along with that, I would like to discuss how you will discuss this with your children. First, self-coping. When we hear these stories in the news, what do you want us to do?
Dr. McCallum: I think taking care of yourself is really important and probably one of the best ways to cope with these types of events is to really make sure that you're still living your life. One of the things that can have a cumulative negative effect is when people start to withdraw, whether they withdraw from the world or from their social connections, so make sure you're getting out of the house, make sure that you're reaching out to friends and family, particularly for people who feel unsafe in the wake of an incident like this – somebody who feels like they don’t want to be in a crowded area or don’t want to be going out to a concert or something like that. Now is the time to try to get back up on the house with that kind of thing. Beyond that, focus on the things that you can control, get good sleep, make sure you're exercising and eating well – all those things will help to get people through the immediate discomfort that comes with this type of event.
Melanie: That’s really good advice, to really get back out there and make sure that even if you are afraid that you involve yourself and get involved. How do we discuss these things with our children, especially kids under 10, and then even with our teenagers? I’ll tell you when we heard about the Las Vegas shooting and then there was a possibility that he was in Chicago and had gotten some rooms by Lollapalooza, which my son was at for all four days, it’s a tough discussion to have. Speak about having that discussion for under 10 and then over 10.
Dr. McCallum: It is a really tough discussion to have. Age does really matter so the way we talk about this is going to vary depending on how old your kids are. I will say talking about it with your kids regardless is pretty important. We like to think that our kids are pretty sheltered from this sort of thing, but with social media, it’s becoming less and less true. Maybe when we were kids, there were discussions that happened in the back of the bus, but these days with Twitter and Facebook and everything, kids often times know as much, if not, more than we do. Trying to keep them sheltered actually can backfire in the sense that it communicates a message to kids that they can't talk to you about these things, and the best way to combat that is to be open. That being said, you want to pay attention to where they're at in development.
A child under 10 is really not ready to talk about the types of details that maybe a teenager would be aware of. I think in terms of working with the younger kids, you want to stick to just really basic facts – who, what, where, when – in terms of what happened, and really emphasize with the younger kids that you're going to be there to keep them safe and that this type of thing, even when it gets talked about a lot, even when we can look back in the past couple of years and see examples of this, it’s a very uncommon experience. With the teenagers, they're going to know the details anyway, so pretending like they won't is just probably counterproductive, and the older kids may want to talk about more details and being okay and opened to that makes sense.
Melanie: People often want to do something to feel better about tragedies and even to help our children cope if this kind of thing upsets them, whether they're young kids or teenagers or even other family members and friends. Some people take these things to heart more than others. What can we do to feel better about these tragedies and can we do something to give back? There's the “text $10 to the Red Cross” and all those things, but they have a bit of a disconnected feel. Are there some other things that we can do to help our children, our loved ones, ourselves copes that makes us feel like we are making a difference?
Dr. McCallum: That is a really good way to combat or counteract some of the negative effects of these high profile tragedies. Obviously, when we’re dealing with something straightforward like a hurricane, there's a lot of different ways we can directly provide relief, and there are some charities and donation lines set up for the Las Vegas victims. That is one way to give back. Honestly, giving back at all to a community or to a group in need is helpful, even if it’s not directly related to the tragedy. Doing things like volunteering at a food shelter or a meal preparation place like Feed My Starving Children or something like that is going to help people to feel connected. It’s going to help them feel more hopeful and like they can make a positive difference in the world.
Melanie: Wrap it up for us with your best advice on reminding kids, ourselves, our loved ones, that there is more joy in life than sorrow, how we can focus on the positive and really what you want them to know about tragedies like this and seeing it all over the media and all the upsetting news and what we can do to turn it around for ourselves so that it doesn’t become all-encompassing and really put a drain on the rest of our lives.
Dr. McCallum: This is definitely relevant when we’re talking about the media because the media tends to focus on the negative and we can get to a place where it feels like tragedies like this are all around us all the time. With our kids, it’s really important that we supplement and go out of our way to identify positive experiences, joyful experiences, share those experiences together. For ourselves, I think it’s important to remember that even though with these 24/7 news cycles, something like Las Vegas can seem like it’s all around us all the time, that the reality is most places are safe. Most concerts are safe, most malls are safe and we need to go out and live our lives.
Melanie: We absolutely have to and it’s great advice for listeners to hear. Thank you so much for being with us today. This is the Well Cast with Allina Health. For more information, please visit allinahealth.org. That’s allinahealth.org. This is Melanie Cole. Thanks so much for listening.