Do you feel pulled by work responsibilities and the needs of your family? Are you able to care for yourself as you worry about caring for others? Is all this stress and being pulled in so many directions taking it's toll on your health? If your answer is yes, there are some quick and easy steps you can take to combat stress before it becomes a problem.
In this timely podcast Dr. Jessica Heckman shares her best advice for balancing work and life, so that you can avoid unhealthy stress and early burnout.
Selected Podcast
Tips to Manage Stress and Stay Healthy
Featured Speaker:
Jessica Heckman, MD, Family Medicine of Lincoln, part of Bryan Physician Network
Dr. Jessica Heckman is a family practice doctor at Family Medicine of Lincoln. Transcription:
Melanie Cole (Host): If you are anything like me, juggling that work and life balance and trying to stay healthy all at the same time, can seem really impossible. My guest today, is going to tell us how to do that. She’s Dr. Jessica Heckman. She’s a family practice physician at Family Medicine of Lincoln. Welcome to the show, Dr. Heckman. So, that’s the big question in mainly women but men too, but we women we are caring for our children, we are working jobs, we’ve got aging parents, we are trying to do all of these things and sometimes it feels like we are a little bit going to lose it. How do we maintain this balance?
Dr. Jessica Heckman, MD (Guest): You know it’s something that is so interesting, and I have spend so much of my day talking about it. Every single day, because it is a concern for everyone and you can’t just address the physical things people have. This more than anything I think might be the number one emotional well-being, psychological well-being concern that people do have. The biggest conflict of it all is purely that juggling. You have so much time that is being taken out of your day in working and caring for others, that finding the time to take on that well-being is absolutely challenging. And so, we spend a lot of time talking about little things that we can sort of start to improve. Just little tricks, day by day, just to take it one step at a time and start at square one with sort of improving your health. And the biggest first thing that I really tell people is kind of assessing where you are from your mental well-being. Assessing is it affecting your physical well-being? It is so impressive the number of times that I see people who come in just having anxiety almost to the point of vibrating and we have to talk about okay, what are we going to do to kind of assess that you’re breathing quickly, you are maybe having panic attacks and how are we going to step that down a little bit. What are we going to do?
Ultimately, I like to start at least with a little bit is to say we are going to focus on breathing. We are just going to focus on those physical changes first of trying to get you breathing less quickly and trying to calm your mind down. And that is a particularly good place to start because it doesn’t take much time every day. It just takes sometimes even ten seconds, three times a day to get that adrenaline level down and to really help you recharge a little bit. And that’s usually a nice jumping off point to start with.
Melanie: So, breathing is great way. Do you think personally in your opinion that the technology that we have got going on today and people working from home and emails constantly coming in and instant message and all of these things; do you feel that that adds to our stress or helps us to be more efficient?
Dr. Heckman: You know, I think it’s a two-way street on that, absolutely. I know as a doctor, usually at any given time, I will have three simultaneous patients, people messaging me, people emailing me, we do have multitasking enforced upon us quite a bit. And that to some extent is technology based and is just how we function. The big thing is, stopping that mind frame when we don’t need it anymore. Because so much of the time, we will go home, and our brain will still keep jumping from one thing to another to another to another to another because that’s what we are used to doing. And so, staying present in the moment you are in, with your family, so you aren’t feeling that continual rush to do one thing, to get to the next thing, to know that the next thing is happening; to actually stay mentally present where you are at; it takes a lot of practice to say I’m taking a step back. I don’t need to be having my mind jump around.
You know, that many interruptions, it does, we know, decrease efficiency again, like I said, sometimes it is necessary to know what’s going on multiple times but to stop one task, switch to another and then switch back to something else; it does decrease your efficiency. It is very important, I think for people to acknowledge that, especially at home. Because, people will think I’m being extra efficient trying to do and think of all these things and realistically, the way that if you are an engine, that is running at 100 percent efficiency 75 percent of the time, it’s the equivalent as running at 75 percent efficiency 100 percent of the time. So, you are putting in less effort from being fatigued all the time, from being run down and doing it for longer versus if you take that little bit of investment time to recharge, just a little bit of extra time to recharge and allowing yourself to work more efficiently. It does take some thought and practice and forethought to figure out how you are going to do that, definitely, some definite planning there. But it’s an investment in yourself and your time. It is definitely worth making.
Melanie: Well it is about setting boundaries certainly and about turning our brains off which seems to be one of the hardest things that we try and do. I mean if we do our breathing exercises, if we try and get some exercise but even when we lay down to go to sleep at night, Dr. Heckman; it doesn’t seem to turn off. You think oh geez did I move the laundry out of the washer and into the dryer. Did I make the kids’ lunches for tomorrow and then you can’t fall asleep even. And we know sleep is so important. How do we turn our brains off and set those boundaries?
Dr. Heckman: Well, the exercise that you mentioned is a huge component. We know it is an endorphin booster. We know we get some of our excess adrenaline off that we need off and it’s just so helpful for sleep. A big thing about it is the nighttime routine. You know most of us, we are doing work right up until bedtime. I definitely am at fault with that often. I know last night, I was up until 1 A.M. doing paperwork. And so, we try and be as good about it as we can but that nighttime routine of these 20 minutes leading up to bedtime this is my nighttime routine that is not tied to work. Getting that, I would say getting that calmer mindset is definitely important to transition and then making sure again that even the light of the alarm clock is not facing your way, that you don’t have screens, the cellphones are not lighting up near you is huge.
The shutting off your mind is honestly I think, the hardest thing. I mean that’s the principle of meditation and for a lot of people, I would say I don’t necessarily tell them you have to shut your mind completely off at bedtime. If you can at least refocus. I like to use tactile sensations about staying present to where you are at. You know, how do the covers feel on me, I’m going to think about that. Looking up at the room that’s around you and observing what you see there. I do like visual imagery techniques as you are going to bed. Just to say I’m envisioning this theme and I’m really trying to do a good job getting as much detail in it as I can and imagining myself within it and I do like utilizing that versus just the same keeping my mind blank because I think then you get frustrated and then it’s more upsetting and then you are obviously going to be not as likely to sleep as well. So, really working on that calming transition is important. And knowing that that is your recharge and rejuvenation time.
Melanie: We have to give ourselves a break sometimes because as you say, to try and use this visual imagery and but sometimes we think we negative self-talk. That’s the first thing that we do, How do we forgive ourselves and stop talking so negatively about the things that we are doing that are really super human?
Dr. Heckman: Oh absolutely. Well I think I mean the best advice that I can give is we know it’s a human thing and to try and become accepting of that. It’s that basis of I am not going to be 100 percent perfect at all of these regimented things that I do. But ultimately, that is what is going to make for an overall healthier me. To have your laundry done and folded 100 percent of the time, well yes it might be done and folded but internally, it might not be the best thing for you to keep long-term working and feeling well about your daily schedule and how you are doing.
I mean this is not a sprint we are looking at, this is a marathon and that’s where that general wellness comes in. You know in that negative thinking, if you have that rushed mindset and you walk into home and you are just like oh my goodness, I’m just – I’m not in a happy mental place right now because I have had this bad day at work and now I’m home, you don’t want it bleeding over to home. Having that nice calming transition time where you have that capacity to reset for even 30 seconds and say I’m not taking this home with me. Which again, it’s a skill that takes practice. You have to catch yourself doing it and remind yourself that that’s not you being maximally efficient. Allowing yourself to be your home self allows you to be maximally efficient everywhere and really helps with that positive attitude.
Melanie: What about pampering ourselves? Where does that fit in? We can breathe, and we can turn off our minds and we can take care of everything and give ourselves a break but what about that stress reduction of maybe an occasional massage, the exercise, a bath, a glass of wine, any of these things that give us a chance to just sort of be us.
Dr. Heckman: Well, I think you have to decide what is going to be that mental rejuvenation for you. You have to do the little bits that just take a few seconds every day, but you do also have to invest in at least gosh, again I am at fault for it too often but, you have to allow for that self-time and not feel guilty about taking it. For example, like you mentioned, the gym. One thing that I think is great that a lot of Lincoln gyms offer is the childcare that is attached to it. So, your children can go and have fun while you are working out and you are still doing it as somewhat of a family activity and then you are doing something good for yourself, they are doing something good for themselves. They are fostering a good healthy attitude there and you still have that pampering affect.
You know that’s goodness for you all over, but you do need to have some days where you wind down and it does take some planning and forethought as a parent usually to decide what that’s going to be. How it’s going to happen. Does that mean I’m going out to dinner with a friend of mine? Does that mean that or we are going to go out and get a drink or if you like a facial and that’s what replenishes and renews you, that you are taking that time to do that. But again, that is one thing where it is definitely worth planning and making sure that you get there and definitely not canceling at the last minute. Because I know a lot of moms will say oh, I had this come up and I just can’t do it. But making sure you find a way to make it happen.
Melanie: So, wrap it up for us then Dr. Heckman, with your best advice for parents listening, men and women, how we can balance that work and life, the stress and the multitasking, the technology and the responsibilities to our families, our employers and ourselves and kind of give us your best advice, what you tell people every day about the most important things we should be doing.
Dr. Heckman: I mean you have to tailor it to you and where you are at mentally. For everyone with stress, you have got to walk before you can run. And the biggest thing is being where your mind is at. If your brain is doing that jumping where you can’t have one linear thought, even when the day is done, where you can’t feel like you are present and enjoying your family; reminding yourself to take that step back. To even go to a separate place for 10 seconds just to do small episodes of deep breathing, to get you back to where you need to be. That’s number one and the key place to start. So, you can remind yourself I’m going to enjoy where I am at.
Remembering to have that transition from work to home so you can rejuvenate and be ready for work the next day and remind yourself that you are not taking that baggage with you and it will make you maximally efficient in order to do that. That will make you more productive that next day and so, having that introspection, that’s the best I think advice that I can give is just to start with it, to really keep checking in with yourself to say what’s my stress level at. Where am I at and then if you feel like it’s beyond where you can turn it around on your own; to get that help if you need it because humans are complex individuals. We have to figure out how we are being impacted, what we are going to do to change it and continually reassess where we are at because we will try and find a way to work around that stress. One thing is not going work the best way for you for 20 years. You have got to have a lot of tools in that tool kit and so we start with the little ones and we just keep building up from there.
Melanie: That is great advice, something we all need to heed, so thank you so much for all that good information. This Bryan Health Podcast. If you want more information on healthy living please visit www.bryanhealth.org that’s www.bryanhealth.org . I’m Melanie Cole and thanks for tuning in.
Melanie Cole (Host): If you are anything like me, juggling that work and life balance and trying to stay healthy all at the same time, can seem really impossible. My guest today, is going to tell us how to do that. She’s Dr. Jessica Heckman. She’s a family practice physician at Family Medicine of Lincoln. Welcome to the show, Dr. Heckman. So, that’s the big question in mainly women but men too, but we women we are caring for our children, we are working jobs, we’ve got aging parents, we are trying to do all of these things and sometimes it feels like we are a little bit going to lose it. How do we maintain this balance?
Dr. Jessica Heckman, MD (Guest): You know it’s something that is so interesting, and I have spend so much of my day talking about it. Every single day, because it is a concern for everyone and you can’t just address the physical things people have. This more than anything I think might be the number one emotional well-being, psychological well-being concern that people do have. The biggest conflict of it all is purely that juggling. You have so much time that is being taken out of your day in working and caring for others, that finding the time to take on that well-being is absolutely challenging. And so, we spend a lot of time talking about little things that we can sort of start to improve. Just little tricks, day by day, just to take it one step at a time and start at square one with sort of improving your health. And the biggest first thing that I really tell people is kind of assessing where you are from your mental well-being. Assessing is it affecting your physical well-being? It is so impressive the number of times that I see people who come in just having anxiety almost to the point of vibrating and we have to talk about okay, what are we going to do to kind of assess that you’re breathing quickly, you are maybe having panic attacks and how are we going to step that down a little bit. What are we going to do?
Ultimately, I like to start at least with a little bit is to say we are going to focus on breathing. We are just going to focus on those physical changes first of trying to get you breathing less quickly and trying to calm your mind down. And that is a particularly good place to start because it doesn’t take much time every day. It just takes sometimes even ten seconds, three times a day to get that adrenaline level down and to really help you recharge a little bit. And that’s usually a nice jumping off point to start with.
Melanie: So, breathing is great way. Do you think personally in your opinion that the technology that we have got going on today and people working from home and emails constantly coming in and instant message and all of these things; do you feel that that adds to our stress or helps us to be more efficient?
Dr. Heckman: You know, I think it’s a two-way street on that, absolutely. I know as a doctor, usually at any given time, I will have three simultaneous patients, people messaging me, people emailing me, we do have multitasking enforced upon us quite a bit. And that to some extent is technology based and is just how we function. The big thing is, stopping that mind frame when we don’t need it anymore. Because so much of the time, we will go home, and our brain will still keep jumping from one thing to another to another to another to another because that’s what we are used to doing. And so, staying present in the moment you are in, with your family, so you aren’t feeling that continual rush to do one thing, to get to the next thing, to know that the next thing is happening; to actually stay mentally present where you are at; it takes a lot of practice to say I’m taking a step back. I don’t need to be having my mind jump around.
You know, that many interruptions, it does, we know, decrease efficiency again, like I said, sometimes it is necessary to know what’s going on multiple times but to stop one task, switch to another and then switch back to something else; it does decrease your efficiency. It is very important, I think for people to acknowledge that, especially at home. Because, people will think I’m being extra efficient trying to do and think of all these things and realistically, the way that if you are an engine, that is running at 100 percent efficiency 75 percent of the time, it’s the equivalent as running at 75 percent efficiency 100 percent of the time. So, you are putting in less effort from being fatigued all the time, from being run down and doing it for longer versus if you take that little bit of investment time to recharge, just a little bit of extra time to recharge and allowing yourself to work more efficiently. It does take some thought and practice and forethought to figure out how you are going to do that, definitely, some definite planning there. But it’s an investment in yourself and your time. It is definitely worth making.
Melanie: Well it is about setting boundaries certainly and about turning our brains off which seems to be one of the hardest things that we try and do. I mean if we do our breathing exercises, if we try and get some exercise but even when we lay down to go to sleep at night, Dr. Heckman; it doesn’t seem to turn off. You think oh geez did I move the laundry out of the washer and into the dryer. Did I make the kids’ lunches for tomorrow and then you can’t fall asleep even. And we know sleep is so important. How do we turn our brains off and set those boundaries?
Dr. Heckman: Well, the exercise that you mentioned is a huge component. We know it is an endorphin booster. We know we get some of our excess adrenaline off that we need off and it’s just so helpful for sleep. A big thing about it is the nighttime routine. You know most of us, we are doing work right up until bedtime. I definitely am at fault with that often. I know last night, I was up until 1 A.M. doing paperwork. And so, we try and be as good about it as we can but that nighttime routine of these 20 minutes leading up to bedtime this is my nighttime routine that is not tied to work. Getting that, I would say getting that calmer mindset is definitely important to transition and then making sure again that even the light of the alarm clock is not facing your way, that you don’t have screens, the cellphones are not lighting up near you is huge.
The shutting off your mind is honestly I think, the hardest thing. I mean that’s the principle of meditation and for a lot of people, I would say I don’t necessarily tell them you have to shut your mind completely off at bedtime. If you can at least refocus. I like to use tactile sensations about staying present to where you are at. You know, how do the covers feel on me, I’m going to think about that. Looking up at the room that’s around you and observing what you see there. I do like visual imagery techniques as you are going to bed. Just to say I’m envisioning this theme and I’m really trying to do a good job getting as much detail in it as I can and imagining myself within it and I do like utilizing that versus just the same keeping my mind blank because I think then you get frustrated and then it’s more upsetting and then you are obviously going to be not as likely to sleep as well. So, really working on that calming transition is important. And knowing that that is your recharge and rejuvenation time.
Melanie: We have to give ourselves a break sometimes because as you say, to try and use this visual imagery and but sometimes we think we negative self-talk. That’s the first thing that we do, How do we forgive ourselves and stop talking so negatively about the things that we are doing that are really super human?
Dr. Heckman: Oh absolutely. Well I think I mean the best advice that I can give is we know it’s a human thing and to try and become accepting of that. It’s that basis of I am not going to be 100 percent perfect at all of these regimented things that I do. But ultimately, that is what is going to make for an overall healthier me. To have your laundry done and folded 100 percent of the time, well yes it might be done and folded but internally, it might not be the best thing for you to keep long-term working and feeling well about your daily schedule and how you are doing.
I mean this is not a sprint we are looking at, this is a marathon and that’s where that general wellness comes in. You know in that negative thinking, if you have that rushed mindset and you walk into home and you are just like oh my goodness, I’m just – I’m not in a happy mental place right now because I have had this bad day at work and now I’m home, you don’t want it bleeding over to home. Having that nice calming transition time where you have that capacity to reset for even 30 seconds and say I’m not taking this home with me. Which again, it’s a skill that takes practice. You have to catch yourself doing it and remind yourself that that’s not you being maximally efficient. Allowing yourself to be your home self allows you to be maximally efficient everywhere and really helps with that positive attitude.
Melanie: What about pampering ourselves? Where does that fit in? We can breathe, and we can turn off our minds and we can take care of everything and give ourselves a break but what about that stress reduction of maybe an occasional massage, the exercise, a bath, a glass of wine, any of these things that give us a chance to just sort of be us.
Dr. Heckman: Well, I think you have to decide what is going to be that mental rejuvenation for you. You have to do the little bits that just take a few seconds every day, but you do also have to invest in at least gosh, again I am at fault for it too often but, you have to allow for that self-time and not feel guilty about taking it. For example, like you mentioned, the gym. One thing that I think is great that a lot of Lincoln gyms offer is the childcare that is attached to it. So, your children can go and have fun while you are working out and you are still doing it as somewhat of a family activity and then you are doing something good for yourself, they are doing something good for themselves. They are fostering a good healthy attitude there and you still have that pampering affect.
You know that’s goodness for you all over, but you do need to have some days where you wind down and it does take some planning and forethought as a parent usually to decide what that’s going to be. How it’s going to happen. Does that mean I’m going out to dinner with a friend of mine? Does that mean that or we are going to go out and get a drink or if you like a facial and that’s what replenishes and renews you, that you are taking that time to do that. But again, that is one thing where it is definitely worth planning and making sure that you get there and definitely not canceling at the last minute. Because I know a lot of moms will say oh, I had this come up and I just can’t do it. But making sure you find a way to make it happen.
Melanie: So, wrap it up for us then Dr. Heckman, with your best advice for parents listening, men and women, how we can balance that work and life, the stress and the multitasking, the technology and the responsibilities to our families, our employers and ourselves and kind of give us your best advice, what you tell people every day about the most important things we should be doing.
Dr. Heckman: I mean you have to tailor it to you and where you are at mentally. For everyone with stress, you have got to walk before you can run. And the biggest thing is being where your mind is at. If your brain is doing that jumping where you can’t have one linear thought, even when the day is done, where you can’t feel like you are present and enjoying your family; reminding yourself to take that step back. To even go to a separate place for 10 seconds just to do small episodes of deep breathing, to get you back to where you need to be. That’s number one and the key place to start. So, you can remind yourself I’m going to enjoy where I am at.
Remembering to have that transition from work to home so you can rejuvenate and be ready for work the next day and remind yourself that you are not taking that baggage with you and it will make you maximally efficient in order to do that. That will make you more productive that next day and so, having that introspection, that’s the best I think advice that I can give is just to start with it, to really keep checking in with yourself to say what’s my stress level at. Where am I at and then if you feel like it’s beyond where you can turn it around on your own; to get that help if you need it because humans are complex individuals. We have to figure out how we are being impacted, what we are going to do to change it and continually reassess where we are at because we will try and find a way to work around that stress. One thing is not going work the best way for you for 20 years. You have got to have a lot of tools in that tool kit and so we start with the little ones and we just keep building up from there.
Melanie: That is great advice, something we all need to heed, so thank you so much for all that good information. This Bryan Health Podcast. If you want more information on healthy living please visit www.bryanhealth.org that’s www.bryanhealth.org . I’m Melanie Cole and thanks for tuning in.