Do you ever feel powerless in a business meeting simply because you're a woman?
You walk in with confidence, but then you're not taken seriously by your male colleagues or are shut down by opposing comments or interruptions. You want to scream with frustration!
Yet, women hold more power than their male coworkers, or even women themselves, will admit. Businessmen are quietly in awe of the gifts their women colleagues possess, although don't expect them to share their admiration with you.
Women are imbued with the powers of relationships, mindfulness, and inspiring trust. While we don't think these are a big deal because they come as second nature, they're foreign to most of our male coworkers. If we could bottle them up and sell them to men, they'd be standing in line. They can't do interpersonal relationships like we do.
What we're good at is staring us in the face. It's part of our makeup, and we're ignoring its value. I personally have tried to downplay my ease with establishing relationships and my ability to create a safe space for others to share their dreams about what they want in life. I've even gone on the defense when they're brought up.
Why is it that women don't acknowledge the gifts they've been given -- especially those that men don't easily acquire? It's because we want to be recognized for the same strengths that bring our male counterparts recognition, such as bringing in new business or having the idea that everyone runs with.
In the past, I've felt the need to overcompensate for my feelings in order to compete with men. Even when I had the business deal in the bag, my focus on overcorrection made me lose sight of my overall goal. My lesson from this, my take-away, is to detach from taking business conversations personally. Instead, I look at the big picture and try to validate what women and men can accomplish together.
We can move the needle toward improved acceptance of what women can add as business associates. Follow these five tips empower yourself in the workplace:
1) Adopt the ABCs of Success
Cultivate the traits of a relentlessly positive Attitude, unfaltering professional Behavior and unceasingly sound Confidence and you'll build a foundation of success. Attitude is one of the few aspects of life over which you have total control. Controlling it will work in your favor in countless ways, both personally and professionally.
2) Learn Their Rules
If we want businessmen to understand us, it greatly benefits us to understand them. Successful men aren't incented to change or fix a system that's served them well. Why would they? Asking them to change is like walking into a football locker room and proposing new rules. The male-oriented practices and expectations in the workplace -- like having a thick skin, checking their personal lives at the door, playing their cards close to their vest, and many others -- won't give way to women's more emotive behaviors. Both genders need to move toward a middle ground.
3) Refrain from Speaking Impulsively
Practice tenir sa langue, which means "hold your tongue." Try mentally counting to seven before speaking so that you give yourself time to consider the perspective of the person you're speaking with and whether the situation is potentially sensitive. Think how your words will be received. Men aren't as comfortable with disclosure as women.
4) Get Used to Taking Risks
Men are more programmed for risk-taking then women. Make a point of doing one uncomfortable thing a day, like speaking with someone who intimidates you, reaching out to someone you feel is beyond your reach, or learning a new skill. A little discomfort is freeing. A little risk is exciting. It encourages you to constantly move toward bigger and better things.
5) Learn to Manage Stress
A career woman's life is like holding a glass that has six holes in it, and each hole represents an important area of her life -- health, work, hobbies, spouse, kids, and friends. Fill the glass with water and our five fingers can't cover all six holes. Businessmen continue to assume that women will find ways to shoulder these extra responsibilities, and if they don't, it's their problem. This goes unspoken. It's not fair. It's a double standard. But it's reality. Make a concerted effort to manage work-home stress through exercise, meditation, spirituality and healthy living. It will help you stay centered and able to react with thought and intention rather than emotion.
Let's take ownership of our gifts and start standing in our strengths. As we convey our assuredness and professionalism, we can make strides toward true workplace equality.
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The Unspoken Code: A Businesswoman’s No-Nonsense Guide to Making It in the Corporate World