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How Do You Know if You're Falling Out of Love?

From the Show: HER
Summary: Falling in love can be exhilarating, but it can also be bittersweet. Not every love story is followed with a happily ever after.
Air Date: 11/13/14
Duration: 10
Host: Michelle King Robson and Pamela Peeke, MD
Guest Bio: Susan Pease Gadoua
Susan GadouaSusan Pease Gadoua is the co-author with Vicki Larson of, The New I Do, Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels (September 2014), and author of Contemplating Divorce, A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go (August 2008), and Stronger Day by Day: Reflections for Healing and Rebuilding After Divorce (July 2010) as well as, The Top Ten Misguided Reasons to Stay in a Bad Marriage (March 2013).

Susan is a licensed therapist based in the San Francisco Bay Area with an expertise in marriage and divorce.

She has appeared on television, radio and print, including the CBS Early Show and publications such as the Wall Street Journal, USA Today, Psychology Today, and Divorce Magazine.

In addition to her private practice, Susan provides client consultations via Skype or phone and teaches therapists about divorce. Susan also trains therapists in her Phoenix Method of Divorce RecoveryTM and is available to speak at conferences and symposiums on the topics of Contemplating Divorce, Emotional Divorce and Divorce Recovery.
  • Book Title: Contemplating Divorce, A Step-by-Step Guide to Deciding Whether to Stay or Go
How Do You Know if You're Falling Out of Love?
Falling in love can be one of the most exhilarating and ravishing moments of your life.

Everything seems positive and the world may even feel like a better place.

However, falling in love may also be bittersweet, for not every love story is followed with a happily ever after.

What's the difference between loving and being in love with your mate?

A problem you might have noticed within the American culture is the strong emphasis on finding "the one." Hollywood and fictional love novels have helped create this idea that without a soul-mate, your love life is doomed.

But, there is a difference between being in love and loving a person. Being in love can consume everything you are; you have endless romantic feelings and constantly think of planning your future with your love by your side. Loving a person, however, is when you care very deeply about a person, but love them like a friend or family member.

You may have adored how adventurous, confident, and intelligent your partner was when you first met... but now it may drive you nuts. Now, you may think your partner is arrogant and cocky.

Why is that?

In an article published in the Wall Street Journal, Dr. Diane Felmlee explains that certain personality traits you like in your partner are usually traits you may be lacking. She also explains that the positive traits you used to admire also have a darker, negative side that you may begin to resent.

So, if you begin to notice you're no longer appreciating certain traits about your partner, does this mean you're falling out of love?

Fortunately, if your partner is driving you a little nuts, it doesn't necessarily mean you're falling out of love. If you used to experience a healthy balanced relationship, but now your partners traits have turned into an unconscious polarization, instead of you complementing each other, that polarization may be working against each other.

What's the best way to handle that situation? Do you try to work through it? Or give up and get a divorce?

One thing you may want to consider before calling it quits, is asking yourself if you and your partner have done everything you possibly could to have saved your relationship. If you and your partner can honestly admit that you both have put every effort forward but haven't seemed to fix the underlying issues, and agree there isn't a healthy love there anymore, you may want to consider splitting up.

Author Susan Pease Gadoua discusses why you and your partner might be falling out of love and what solutions you can use to help save your relationship.

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