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Stale Relationship? Here’s the Fix

From the Show: HER
Summary: Discover how to renew your connection to your partner and apologize when you've made a mistake.
Air Date: 1/30/17
Duration: 34:01
Host: Michelle King Robson and Pam Peeke, MD
Guest Bio: Jenn Mann, PsyaD
Dr. Jenn MannDr. Jenn Mann (formerly Dr. Jenn Berman) is a psychotherapist, author, and television and radio personality.

She is the host and therapist for VH1 Couples Therapy, now in its sixth season, and VH1 Family Therapy.  Dr. Jenn is a regular guest, as a psychological expert, on The Today Show, The Doctors, Access Hollywood, The Insider, and Home & Family, and has appeared on hundreds of other shows, including The Early Show, The Talk, Jimmy Kimmel Live, and The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Dr. Jenn is the author of SuperBaby: 12 Ways to Give Your Child a Head Start in the First 3 Years (Sterling); The A to Z Guide to Raising Happy Confident Kids (New World Library) and Rockin’ Babies (Sterling).

She is a licensed Marriage, Family, and Child Therapist and has been in practice for over 20 years.

Dr. Jenn lives in Los Angeles with her family.
  • Book Title: The Relationship Fix
  • Guest Facebook Account: www.facebook.com/DrJennMann
  • Guest Twitter Account: @DrJennMann
Stale Relationship? Here’s the Fix
The biggest thing struggling couples don’t realize is how important a connection is.

That’s the main reason people cheat; it’s rarely about the sex.

Nurturing the connection you share with your partner every day gives you an advantage over everyone who is younger, hotter and perceived as physically more appealing. You can always find sex, but you can’t always find connection.

Is your relationship on autopilot? The demands of life can suck the life out of your relationship and you’re too tired to connect. 

There are simple things you can do to improve your connection. Couples who text throughout the day report they have happier relationships and their relationships last longer. Couples who celebrate their successes together have a higher rate of longevity. Love requires face-to-face communication and eye contact.

It is important to share your intimate self with your partner. Confide and share your vulnerabilities. Hold these things sacred and don’t share them with other people to avoid opening the door to affairs. Save certain topics for your partner. Spend about 30 minutes talking to your partner every day. The more you invest, the less you will want to give your relationship away.

Trying new and exciting things together keeps you both invested in the relationship. This can be as simple as going to a new restaurant together or visiting a museum.

Couples do things to hurt one another’s feelings unintentionally. Maybe you shared an intimate detail your partner expected you to keep private. Sometimes you use a harsh tone and it rubs your partner wrong. It’s important to know how to apologize.
  1. Show remorse. Let the person know you are genuinely sorry for the pain you have caused.
  2. Take responsibility. Own the mistake you made. Don’t defend it. You may have had a good reason for the mistake, but now is not the time to justify it.
  3. Recognize how you have harmed the other person. Be willing to sit and hear the feelings of the person impacted. You have to listen to move on.
  4. Remedy the wrong. Make a plan to make things right. Work out a plan to keep it from happening again.
Communicate to keep your sex life on track. It’s the one thing the two of you do exclusively together and is important for connection and for the relationship's success. Turn-ons can change over time. If something isn't working for you anymore, it’s a disservice to your partner not to speak up.

Your partner must be willing to change to meet your minimal needs in the relationship. If your partner is unwilling to do that, your relationship won’t survive.

Listen in as Dr. Jenn Mann shares how you can nurture your relationship and restore your connection.

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