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Fixing the One You Love

From the Show: HER
Summary: How can you push your partner toward accomplishment while still being loving and safe?
Air Date: 10/19/17
Duration: 35:28
Host: Michelle King Robson and Pam Peeke, MD
Guest Bio: Eli J. Finkel, PhD
Eli FinkelEli Finkel, author of The All-Or-Nothing Marriage, is a professor at Northwestern University, where he has appointments in the psychology department and the Kellogg School of Management and holds the Martin J. and Patricia Koldyke Outstanding Teaching Professorship.

In his role as director of Northwestern’s Relationships and Motivation Lab (RAMLAB), he has published 130+ scientific articles and is a regular contributor to the Op-Ed page of the New York Times.

His research, which is supported by the National Science Foundation and the National Institutes of Health, has been honored with the Daniel M. Wegner Theoretical Innovation Prize.
Fixing the One You Love
Can you fix the one you love? Can you push your partner to reach for the stars?

It’s not easy to make a partner feel loved, safe and sexy while inspiring him or her to dig deep and strive to reach important goals.

Do you want to have a relatively comfortable life that feels loved and safe? Or, do you want to feel hungry and like there’s more you can accomplish? It’s hard to do both and it’s hard to help your spouse do both.

Your marriage doesn’t require that you cultivate ambition and nurture your spouse. There’s no requirement to expect your spouse to be and do everything.

You can coax your lover to be more ambitious with support. Reminders of potential are important if you want your partner to strive harder. Be sure you are trying to change your partner to be who he or she has the potential to be, not because of something you want.

Maybe your relationship is best served by an outside party coaching your spouse toward accomplishments. Pushing for fierceness may be best outside the relationship.

There are steps you can take to bring back passion and rediscover excitement with each other. Try to find more time and attention for each other no matter what. Engage in new and exciting activities together to bring adventure into your relationship. Laugh together.

Listen as Dr. Eli Finkel joins Dr. Pamela Peeke to share how to address having love and ambition in your relationship.

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