Talking With Your Child About Suicide

Transcription:

Scott Webb: A warning for our listeners: today, we're going to discuss suicide and suicidal ideation. If you or someone you know is having suicidal thoughts, please call or text 988 for help. You are not alone.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide rates are on the rise in the US. It's important to remember that suicide can affect children too. During 2019, nearly 19% of students reported seriously considering suicide. Although it's not an easy topic, it's important for parents to talk to their children about suicide, talking about it can be one of the best ways to prevent it, learn how and when to start the conversation, warning signs and more today.

This is Children's Health Checkup, where we answer parents' most common questions about raising healthy and happy kids. I'm Scott Webb. And today, we're discussing suicide and suicidal ideation. And joining me today to stress that suicide is preventable and treatable if we have open and transparent conversations about it is Roshini Kumar. She's the outpatient clinical manager and clinical therapist at Children's Health.

Roshini, thanks so much for your time today. We're going to talk about suicide. We're going to talk about warning signs, things we can do to help ourselves, help others. What is the main message you'd like to share with parents related to suicide?

Roshini Kumar: I think the most important thing to know is that suicide is preventable. It's treatable and it all starts with early intervention. So I think it's important to know that we can make this a topic that makes it a little bit less daunting to talk about. And We have some helpful ways that we can offer to parents to talk to their kids about this.

Scott Webb: Yeah. And it does seem there's just a few third rail topics that have some stigma associated with them. And it's important that we just have these conversations, right?

Roshini Kumar: just like we have any uncomfortable coming of age conversation about developing and about,

not doing drugs, things that are really important to talk about that might be uncomfortable, this is of in that realm of conversation. Yeah,

Scott Webb: Yeah. And I have a couple of teenagers myself, so I've like most parents had to have some uncomfortable conversations, if you will. But they're important conversations, of course. And wondering if you can tell us why suicide rates seem to be on the rise.

Roshini Kumar: I think that there are a couple of different reasons that suicide rates are on the rise. When we think about culturally, the past couple of years with COVID, two key ways that children and teenagers lives were changed were that routines were disrupted, routines were different. , so when that happens, sometimes that can cause a sense of anxiety, of not knowing what to anticipate. And then also with social distancing that promotes a lot of isolation, which as we know, is a symptom of depression. So I think. Those are two key things that have happened more recently lately, as well as just, our children and teenagers are now raised in the social media world.

So with that comes, social comparison, how others are doing versus how we are doing and creating that sense of comparison, which can contribute to changes in mood. Making maybe a child feel a little bit more sad or anxious. As well as, bullying doesn't just happen in schools anymore.

Now that we have social media, it can also happen online through these platforms. So children can be more susceptible to another way of bullying.

Scott Webb:

Yeah. When we think about sort of COVID in our rear view mirrors here, we think about COVID and isolation and masking, and then you add on just being a teenager and social media, it's probably not easy to be a teenager. \ were mentioning like when we were teenagers, you know, it seemed like such a simple time. We just had radio, TV, newspapers. We didn't have social media and this pressure to sort of compare ourselves and our lives to others. It's a lot for teenagers, right?

Roshini Kumar: It really is. It takes a lot of self-confidence in knowing who you are as a person, to not let social comparison really get to you. And I think just as teenagers as children, , brains are still developing children and teenagers. are. Are still learning who they are. So it can sometimes be really difficult to see what your fellow classmates are doing and just have that sense of comparison, which can contribute to feeling maybe a little bit down on yourself, a little sad, a little anxious.

Scott Webb: Yeah. I have to remind myself sometimes it's like they may be the size of adults in many cases, but their brains and bodies are still developing until at least their mid-20s. So they may look like adults, but they're really not. And, just knowing my own life and being around my kids and, coaching and things like that, it makes me wonder what are the signs of depression or suicidal thoughts that we should be on the lookout for.

Roshini Kumar: Yeah, there's a lot of really helpful warning signs to be aware of. So when we think about depression, we think about suicidal thoughts. Some of the first early warning signs we have are isolation, losing interest in activities that they used to enjoy, difficulty concentrating, which can contribute to failing grades. Really just not being interested in spending time with friends that they really used to connect with. So when you start to notice measurable changes in behavior or isolating from activities, people, situations that made them happy, that might be a time to start asking how children are feeling.

Scott Webb: Yeah. Of course, it's an interesting dynamic with parents and teenagers because they often keep to themselves. And they really love their bedrooms. They love being buried in their phones. And so if I'm hearing you right, it's more about these changes? Things that break with their habits or their patterns or their personality that you knew, right?

Roshini Kumar: Exactly. And you're absolutely right. Teenagers, by nature, they're kind of going through their own phases of development. So sometimes that does mean isolating a little bit, switching interests. But when you start to notice those measurable changes that someone is struggling, right? So failing grades, not able to make it to the next grade successfully, not learning concepts that they typically would have maybe the grades past.

Another thing to watch for, I think, is when appetite changes. So if you're noticing big changes in appetite that kind of contribute to weight loss or weight gain, that's a good time to talk to your pediatrician and assess if that's developmentally what's happening with your child's body or maybe if there's mood involved.

Scott Webb: Yeah, I see what you mean. Measurable changes, right? And uh, yeah. And you mentioned earlier that suicide is preventable and I think that's so key in our messaging here. So if we accept that premise that it is preventable, how can we do that?

Roshini Kumar: I think there are two ways that we can think about preventing suicide and one way would be kind of create emotional safety with kids. And the other way would be. To create. Physical safety in the environment. So when we think about emotional safety, we think about having those early conversations that are difficult to talk about, if a child hears about suicide in the media, maybe asking them how they feel about that or what they know about it, and using that to start those conversations, or, check in about their feelings and having feelings and.

Feeling down, feeling anxious, just a natural part of conversation. So we can think about it from creating a space that they feel safe talking about these difficult things. And then we think about physical safety in the environment. So if you feel like your child or teenager, Is in that space where maybe they are thinking about suicide or they're making comments, like I don't wanna be alive anymore, or, you know, I'm having , a hard time finding purpose.

So maybe thinking about keeping the environment safe by keeping medications in a drawer that's locked, or if you really feel like your child is susceptible to harming themselves with sharp objects, making sure that kitchen nights are locked away or. Razors are in a safe space in the bathroom.

So really looking at the environment and taking away any item that might be triggering to a child or teenager.

Scott Webb: Yeah, that's such a good idea, you know, rather than having some big, deep, heavy conversation that may not even be relevant in their lives. Finding someone, uh, a social media star, a TikTok star, something like that that's relevant to them and maybe asking, "Hey, did you see that story? Did you read about that person? What did you think of that? Is that something that you would recommend?" Just to get into the conversation, like find some way to kind of link it to their lives.

Roshini Kumar: Absolutely. Finding something relevant to them. Those are great examples that you just mentioned. So really going with the flow of what's being presented to them and linking on to that and saying, "This is something that I've heard about too." And maybe these are some ways that we can check in on each other if we're feeling sad, what are some things that we can do together to feel better or who are some people that we can connect with, talk to safe adults in a child's life that they can talk to, even if they don't feel comfortable coming to you necessarily in that moment.

Scott Webb: Yeah. And all of us parents know that children are often more comfortable speaking with people other than their parents, right? Whether it's coaches or mentors or teachers or friends. So really great advice. And I know through media and social media and just life in general, there's a lot of misconceptions about suicide and maybe you could take us through some of them.

Roshini Kumar: Yeah. I think a misconception of suicide is that sometimes we'll see stories in the media and we think, "Oh my goodness, I had no idea that person was going through that" or "That came out of nowhere." The reality is that there are a lot of warning signs, that fester and grow over time. So I think that it's important to know that suicide doesn't just happen. Oftentimes, there are ways that we can hopefully identify it early. And I think another important key to remember is that it's preventable, just like we've been talking about, noticing those warning signs. Figuring out how to connect with your child, make feelings the topic of conversation and, if children don't feel comfortable talking with parents, who are safe adults that we can link with. And there's several really helpful data-driven evidence-based treatments that can be quickly learned and implemented at home.

Scott Webb: Yeah. We can implement at home and we can, of course, seek the advice of professionals. I'm wondering, whether it's our own children or family, friends, whomever it might be, when is it time and when should we seek out the advice and assistance from professionals?

Roshini Kumar: I think it's really about of assessing where your child is. For some parents, having a mental health professional available preventatively can be useful just to learn some skills on the front end. So if mood starts to decline, there's some helpful coping skills.

That they can go to in that moment. For others, it might be those noticeable warning signs that we talked about, when grades start to slip, when friends that used to bring, , your child a lot of joy are no longer in their lives. They're isolating more. Maybe their appetite's changing, not sleeping well, sleeping too much, outside of what would be typical for a teenager. So anytime you start to see those warning signs, good points of contact are school counselors, as well as pediatrician that can help link to a mental health professional if you're having a hard time seeking out one.

Scott Webb: Yeah. And as you said, the messaging here today really includes that suicide is preventable. And rather than perhaps getting to a crisis point with a loved one, especially our children, maybe we can help them avoid that and, , give them those coping skills that they may need to help them so that we don't get to this big crisis in our lives, in our families, right?

Roshini Kumar: Right. Exactly. And I think one important key to remember for families is that there are so many different types of evidence-based therapies that have proven to be very useful in children and in teenagers. And I think sometimes it feels like depression, anxiety, suicide feels really difficult to talk about, really difficult to manage. But the good news is that there's so many really helpful ways that have worked very efficiently.

Scott Webb: Yeah, very efficiently. And this has been very helpful. And as we wrap up here, how can children's Health help children, families, anyone who's seeing the warning signs of suicide or perhaps, even attempted suicide?

How can children's health help?

Roshini Kumar: Just like this podcast, we have a lot of really helpful psychological education on our website. So if you're curious about learning more about those warning signs of depression or anxiety or suicidality, that's a great resource that you can read through, as well as giving us a call if you feel like your child is really, really struggling, and we can give you some helpful information or help refer you to some helpful resources that can help you connect with your child.

Scott Webb: Yeah, that's perfect. Well, thank you so much for your time today. You stay well.

Roshini Kumar: Thank you.

Scott Webb: If your child or loved one faces a mental health emergency, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. You can also reach out to the National Suicide Prevention Hotline by calling or texting 988. For more resources, visit childrens.com/mentalhealth.

And thanks for listening to Children's Health Checkup. For more information, go to childrens.com.