How to Advocate for Your Child’s Mental Health Needs at School

Transcription:

Prakash Chandran (Host): As a parent, you want the best for your child. So the idea that their mental health might be affecting their life at school is not a pleasant one. However, learning to identify mental health issues in your child and advocating for their needs at school can dramatically improve their quality of life and academic performance.

In this episode will cover everything you need to know about communicating with your child and their school staff to ensure their needs are being met. This is Children's Health Checkup where we answer parents' most common questions about raising healthy and happy kids. Joining us today is our expert, Talia Fayson-Anthony. She's the School Services Psychiatry Program Manager at Children's Health.

This is Children's Health Checkup, a podcast from Children's Health. My name is Prakash Chandran. So Talia, thank you so much for joining us today. I really appreciate your time. Now, this is a big topic, but I wanted to get started by asking how exactly can parents identify signs that their child may be struggling with mental health issues at their school, or that previously diagnosed issues might be affecting them?

Talia Fayson-Anthony, MEd: Well, first I want to thank you for having me on your podcast. And there are so many signs that we can go into, but here are just a few common signs that can be seen when your child is struggling with mental health at school. So they have school avoidance, making excuses why they can't go to school, either they're sick, they're bullied or anything else like that. You can also notice a failing grades. So you know your AB student is dropping to Bs and Cs, or your BC student is Cs and Ds, so their grades are constantly failing or even below average. Isolation, you see them not talking to their friends anymore, not hanging out. They were very much active in after school activities, but they're not going to those anymore. They're having low motivation, taking care of their activities of daily living skills, you know, having poor hygiene, no motivation to complete their schoolwork anymore. And also being apathetic. Sometimes we see that as, oh, they just don't care anymore.

They just don't want to do their work. But really they're suffering maybe from some depression, anxiety, or any other underlying mental health issues. There's also showing signs of anxiety or distress when school is brought up. So maybe it's like, oh, it's time to go to school. You notice they're having panic attacks, but on the weekend and the summer, they are just fine.

So those signs of anxiety when school is being brought up. Then there's also frequent calls from the school that they're always in the nurse's office or with the counselor, avoiding class or class work. Then the inability to focus is not just for ADHD kids or ADD kids. It can be students who are suffering from depression and anxiety.

There's often disorganization, anger outbursts or behavior struggles even from students who don't normally have those issues. They're starting to show those signs. So those are just a few signs that you can see and some of the most common ones. And if you're noticing them more frequently, then it's time to discuss what can be done at school so that they can get the services they need.

Host: Yeah, I think the frequency is an important piece because I imagine that a lot of parents miss this because they just tend to think, oh, this is just the way my kid is. It's kind of a phase that they're going to grow out of, but I imagine if they are seeing this repeatedly, over and over, over the course of like a couple weeks or a couple months, this is when they should be concerned. Is that correct?

Talia Fayson-Anthony, MEd: Yes, it is. I've worked with a lot of parents who say, well, I just didn't notice it or I didn't pay attention to the signs. But hindsight, 2020 when they're maybe in a hospital or partial hospitalization program. They look back and they see like all these things were going on. I saw the snowball effect and now we're here. So just being mindful and paying attention to those subtle changes in your child's behavior and how often you're seeing those changes.

Host: So I want to move on to kind of the actions that parents should take, and I guess the first question is around, you know, what can they do to effectively communicate that their child is having a problem to educators and the school staff?

Talia Fayson-Anthony, MEd: I would say first, like we kind of talked about with the first question, being aware of those changes in your child's demeanor, their grades, or if the pattern of how they're doing things from day to day has changed. So the main thing is being aware. Next is communicate your observations to the school, so you can talk with the counselor. Some schools have social workers or even your child's teachers depending on their grade, and ask, have they seen or observed any changes in your child over the past month or so, depending on how long you have been noticing these changes. And ask for their observations to see if you are all on the same page.

And just remember that you are your child's best advocate. Don't be afraid or ashamed to speak up and ask questions. Also, be consistent with the communication. One call or one email may not be enough, so just being able to follow up with that call, with that email so you all can be on the same page to develop a plan to help your child at school. Also, even though there is a big push for mental health awareness, there's still a stigma around it. And not everybody wants everybody to know, you know, your family business or your child's business. But remember, the school can't support or help your child if they do not know. So just tell them enough that a plan can be developed to support their mental health needs at school. And then usually those plans are set up with the school counselor or they'll be your first point of contact, and now some or not if most schools have crisis counselors too, to help students with mental health struggles. So those are just the few ways to communicate your child's mental health needs.

Host: Yeah, so you mentioned the counselor and I was hoping that you could expand a little bit more on the role that a school counselor or psychologist plays in supporting a child's mental health, and especially how parents can best collaborate with them.

Talia Fayson-Anthony, MEd: Well, usually the school counselor is the first point of contact when you are initially seeing those changes in your child's mental health. Or even if you have went to a doctor or a therapist to get them checked out, you will start with the counselor because they're the ones that can help set up the plans or start the plans, whether it's a 504 plan. And that's just an accommodation plan put in place at the school to let the teachers know that, hey, this student just needs a little extra help, some extra time, things of that nature, to help them function at school. And then they can also be a trusted staff member for your child to just periodically check in with to do that mental health checkup.

Hey, how's your day going? Do you need any help? Have you had any peer struggles? How can I help you? So they can be that first point of that support system at school. They can also give resources to parents and students where they can get help outside of the school in the community if more support is needed.

So there are differences between the counselor and psychologist. So, you know, initially we talked about the counselor, but the psychologist role in the school, they also provide counseling and instruction and mentoring services for students. And they can also provide resources to the family. And if your child's mental health is consistently interfering with their academic progress, then a referral can be made so that the psychologist can do an evaluation for special education services.

So those are services that are more detailed than just a 504 plan, but there's a whole process within itself to get those services. And we can do a whole nother podcast on getting special education services, but, if you see that your child is really struggling and they're just not able to grasp anything in school, then you can go that route to get them more services.

And then also they work with the school staff to help to address the needs of all the students on campus and to help develop supports for that campus.

Host: So I think you were starting to touch on this and I know that we could do a whole other podcast on it, but maybe speak broadly about specific accommodations that schools can provide to students that are struggling with mental health issues and also how parents can advocate for these.

Talia Fayson-Anthony, MEd: Okay. Well, as far as just some accommodations, there's a whole wide range of accommodations, but a few are just the school can establish a support staff or trusted staff member that your child can check in with daily or periodically. Then breaks can also be worked into the school day scheduled or is needed if you know, your child becomes overwhelmed with what's going on. A safe place for your child to go when they're also feeling overwhelmed in school. But it should be a place that is monitored by a staff member to make sure they're safe. And then if they are having anxiety, social anxiety, or anxiety with large crowds, then a pass can be developed so they can leave three to five minutes early to avoid those big passing period crowds. Then you can have extra time on schoolwork and tests. Grade for quality, not quantity. Chunking large assignments and projects, preferential seating. If your child has missed a lot of days due to mental health issues or partial hospitalizations or inpatient stays and they are about to go back into school, then they can do a slow transition plan where they can maybe go a couple of hours, a half day and build up to a full day at school.

So they're preparing themselves to get back to their normal schedule. And since focus can be an issue, you can provide prefilled notes or they're not concentrating so much as trying to get the notes down, but actually understanding the academic content that's being presented. And then just a plan to make up missed work due to absences, whether there's doctor's appointments, therapy appointments, or anything that has to do with their mental health. And as far as advocating for those things, like I said, the first point of contact is you can talk with the counselor like, Hey, I noticed my child is having issues at school. I want to see about getting a plan in place to help them be successful. Or we've talked to their doctor or their therapist and we have a new diagnosis or their current diagnosis is really affecting them. I want to talk about requesting a 045 plan so that their mental health needs are addressed according to that diagnosis, and then the appropriate accommodations are put in place so that their teachers know how to work with them when they come to class.

Host: So I'm noticing a theme here where, you know, the stronger relationship that a parent might have with a school, the better the school can actually help to support their child. So one of questions that I had is how can parents start to build a stronger relationship with the school to address some of the mental health concerns they might have?

Talia Fayson-Anthony, MEd: Yes. My biggest thing is communicate, communicate. They will not know unless you tell them. And also one of the phrases I like to use is you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. So I know it's a frustrating thing to go everybody's stressed. We want to do what's best for this student, but just remember to come in a respectful manner and that let them know that you are here to do what's best for your child and you want the school to help in that process also. And depending on the age of your child, you know, have them participate in the planning of their accommodations or letting the school know what will best support them when they're in class.

Because we want to build those advocacy skills within them, and they are the ones that will have to be at school all day. So we want them to also know that, hey, the school is here to help you. Parents are here to help you, and we want you to learn to help yourself. So those are just the few things, but my biggest thing is just really communicate with the school, letting your needs and your concerns be known so that they can develop a plan to help your child.

Host: Yeah, so regarding kind of one of the last things that you said around helping a child help themselves. You know, I am curious as to how parents can help their child, you know, especially outside of school, build resilience and coping skills to help navigate some of the challenges that they may face when they are at school.

Talia Fayson-Anthony, MEd: Well, some of those ways that can help build resilience and coping skills is, you know, like, the running theme we've been talking about and some of the questions is be consciously aware of your child's needs and behavior changes, because if you aren't aware or aren't in tune, then you won't know. Or me, even as a parent, we won't know that your child is needing help because they may not always say it, but their actions will show it. Be empathetic. Show that you understand their feelings and you're there to support them and help them work through it. Also, provide a safe space for communication so that they know, you know, Hey, I'm your parent. I've been there and I want to be there to help you. You know, involve them in their decision making when it comes to their supports in school. Also, get professional help if it's becoming too overwhelming. And even with some of the things we've talked about just doesn't seem to help, it's okay to get that professional help so that you can have that extra support.

Also provide positive feedback and encouragement. For example, hey, I know it's hard for you to get to school today, but I'm so proud you worked your way through and you were able to cope through your anxiety and your fears, and even model those behaviors too. As parents, we have to be models of what we, you know, want our children to do. Sometimes, even when I was growing up, the saying was do as I say, not as I do. But that doesn't always work. So just being that model, because you are your child's first teacher of how to do those coping skills whether, I just need a break. I'm going to do my deep breathing and come back to know that, hey, we all have feelings, we all have anxieties and fears, but I can model how to show you how to use those. Also communicate with your child about healthy things and healthy ways they can calm themselves. You can write out a plan. Once you have communicated, talk about a plan, write it out, post it, take it to the school to share with the counselor or trusted staff, like this is what they've been going through.

This is the plan that we developed. What do you think about this? Can they use it at school? And also ask the counselor for ideas. Or if your child is seeing a therapist, ask them for ideas on coping strategies and resilience skills so they can make it through their school day.

Host: I love it. Well, you know, just before we end Talia, you've probably worked with a lot of children that have been struggling with mental health issues. You've probably also spoken to a lot of their parents. If there's one thing that you know to be true that you wish more parents or children knew, what would that be?

Talia Fayson-Anthony, MEd: Okay, so one thing I want to let them know is they are not alone in their struggle and there are resources out there to help them. And that through communication with the school, with the trusted staff, the counselor, principal or whomever you feel comfortable with, there can be supports put in place. So just don't give up and know you're not alone.

Host: Well, I think that is the perfect place to end, Talia, thank you so much for your time today.

Talia Fayson-Anthony, MEd: You are very welcome and thank you for having me.

Host: That was Talia Fayson-Anthony, the School Services Psychiatry Program Manager at Children's Health. For more information, you can visit children's.com/ mentalhealth. Thanks for listening to this episode of Children's Health Checkup. If you found this podcast to be helpful, please rate and review or share the episode and please follow Children's Health on your social channels.

Thanks again for listening. My name is Prakash Chandran. Until next time, be well.