Here's the usual scenario... one partner doesn’t entice because of the pain. The other feels rejected. Without communication, both partners become unhappy. Shame and embarrassment bar communication.
You must talk to one another about the pain. Dr. Liza Leal recommends the ICE Method for discussing intimacy.
- Identify what isn’t working. Is the pain making you too tired for romance? Do you feel ashamed that current techniques make you hurt? Are you avoiding intimacy because it hurts? Find what is working right now.
- Communicate about your struggles. Share what you have identified. Let the emotion out when you communicate. Your partner loves you and wants to pleasure you. It’s important that you feel good. Knowing what is limiting intimacy will help your partner satisfy you.
- Explore what can be pleasurable and intimate with your concerns in mind.
Create a cherish list of the three things that make you feel loved, cared for and adored. Share your list with your partner. If you can’t do the first thing, start with what you can do from your partner’s cherish list.
Emotional intimacy is very key. There are things you’ll share with your partner that you wouldn’t share with another. This is just as important as sexual pleasure in a relationship.
Listen as Dr. Leal and Dr. Susanne Bennett share how to improve intimacy when pain has limited loving.